Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
