ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
