OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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