From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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