I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
