There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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