Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She tied me up with her honor cords...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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