so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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