How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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