so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
