i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
