I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
