i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
