You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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