Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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