I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
