Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
