saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Why are your pants in the freezer?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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