my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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