He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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