i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
