How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
this just has baby written all over it
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
