Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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