she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize