Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
