i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
