My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
