Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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