I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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