the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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