I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize