I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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