dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
