I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
