4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
