I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
