there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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