Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
