I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
