One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You were trust falling into bushes
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
