i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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