I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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