dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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