Ambien. No doubt about it.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
we're making bets on your personal life
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
