I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
