i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
