fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Sext me about skeletons
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize