I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
