I wish I only lived at night.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
All I want is dick and wine.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
