I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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