I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
porn star boner night. come get it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
