I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
