Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
