I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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