you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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