I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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