my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Two words: blizzard sex
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
