im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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