alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
