I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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