he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
