I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
