what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
