You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
