where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
